Sunday, November 29, 2009

An Open Letter to Friends, Family, and Whoever the Hell looks at this Blog.

Dear Friends,

Warmest holiday greetings.

As you may well know, I have been unemployed now for o’er fourscore by two days and nigh on two fortnights. I hope you are all doing well.

As you sit before your lavish feasts this holiday season, I was hoping that you might find some small way to remember those of us who are less fortunate. I myself have been trying to supplement my meager stipend from my government unemployment insurance, by laboriously slaving away at this electronic blog. As you may remember from the past, I have occasionally, humbly, and with no small amount of embarrassment and shame, entreated you all in the mildest manner I am capable of, to possibly “click” one of the advertisements that are displayed on said blog. I know this will require a mighty collective effort from you, my friends. You will be forced to exert great effort and moral fortitude to move your mouse pointer approximately three inches to the left margin. There you will heroically have to summon a herculean effort to press the left mouse button – neigh, not the right, but the notorious (and sinister) left button, upon one of said advertisements displayed thereon. Then following a brief, but poignant pause, you shall dutifully, but courageously and swiftly, bring the aforementioned mouse pointer to the “x” in the upper right corner of the advertisement window, and thusly dispatch the evil thing with a slight contraction of the muscles of your collective index fingers.

 Now I know this is asking a lot – and I wouldn’t blame you, if you honorably declined said action, since I’m sure you have many, many more important things to do, and I am almost ashamed to ask you to perform such a risky and trying action – an action that will only allow me to buy a few useless Christmas trinkets for the needy children in my neighborhood anyway (and possibly with enough left over to buy a few scraps of bread for my own sustenance) – hardly worth such a noble effort on your part. But if you decide to make this great sacrifice on my behalf, I shall be eternally grateful, and will remember you in all my prayers for all the remaining miserable days of my short life.

Humbly yours,
Low On Prozac

ps. If you don’t click my ads, I hope you get toe fungus.

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